transition

So I am three weeks in to this whole "mom of two" thing. I can honestly say that I was extremely nervous about this transition and how it would go, but I was worried for nothing. There were a few things that were/are difficult, but nothing that can't be overcome of course. 

One of the hardest things for me was having to be away from baya so long in the hospital. I knew she was fine, but hearing her ask for me and want me was heartbreaking because I wanted her just as much if not more. When she came to visit us in the hospital she was extremely jealous of her brother, and she basically would wine and cry the whole visit, and then cry harder when she had to say goodbye. All I really wanted to do was leave and go home and give her hours of attention and kisses. Everyone said it would get better, and it did! Much sooner than I thought too. Pretty much once I got home and showed her lots of love everything improved. I was still slightly terrified to have them both completely by myself though, for fear she would have a heart attack if I needed to feed him, but she really has done great! It is obvious her love grows for him everyday, and nothing makes me happier. She wakes up in the morning and asks, "where's baby?" and then proceeds to find him and give him some big kisses (which i can never seem to capture in a picture lol). She now asks to hold him and always needs to know where he is...and now the hard part is that she shows him TOO MUCH love. Her hugs literally seem like they are ripping his head off sometimes haha, and it is so hard to tell her to stop showing "love" to her brother basically, but I think it is a good problem to have :).

On another note, I have had emotional issues myself(no, not PPD), but I have had a problem with not being able to give either child 100% of my attention. Something I especially miss right now is sleeping and cuddling with my girl. Since I am breastfeeding I have be with Ever. I wish we could all be in the same room, but we all know babies cry sometimes and that wont work with my light sleeping toddler. It was really the first week I was more of an emotional wreck you could say, crying at the littlest things,but the good news is that that is getting better everyday too and everyone has adjusted just fine. :)

Of course, knowing the lack of sleep that I was going to be getting when Ever got here worried me, because I do NOT handle not getting sleep well. It is harder for me to control my emotions and I can be slightly more impatient, but everyone (brett) is hanging in there with me. Brett is compensating for my impatience and being very understanding. I don't know what I would do without a supportive, wonderful, and basically perfect husband like him.  

So, all of that aside, my new biggest struggle is nap time. That is the hardest thing to get accomplished by myself. It still works though, we just have good and bad days. For the most part, I just take the kids for a car ride until baya passes out and then just carry her upstairs, but I used to lay with her and she would take long 3 hr naps. Now, I still get lucky occasionally and she will just sleep, but a lot of times she will wake up at 2 hrs now, which is still fine, but not my ideal. 

I haven't even ventured to go to a grocery store by myself (haven't had to yet), but that day will come soon. :) so wish me luck!!! 

All in all, I miss being able to pick up and go, I miss seeing friends all the time, I miss having a routine, and I miss sleeping, but I can honestly say, I have NEVER been happier. I thought I was complete after baya, but my heart is so full and ALL I can think about is how perfect my family of four is. I am so grateful for the knowledge that we are sealed together for all time and eternity. I couldn't imagine life ANY other way.