I am happy the procedure is over and went well because I think I was extremely nervous about it. It was smoother than I expected and I have had a lot of help and support through it all.
I don't really enjoy talking about it with everybody. Word traveled fast at church and it was hard to have more attention over something that I was struggling with. I couldn't look anyone in the eye without choking up or about to have a serious ball cry. I am usually not that bad though but I was just having a more emotional day on Sunday I suppose. My body is still losing pregnancy hormones so I am trying to blame my uncontrollable cries on that.
From what I hear it gets much easier with time (like most things). We will take one day at a time. I am in no rush to turn around and get pregnant again. We need to get some things in order before we actually plan for another baby. But in the back of my mind I will wonder if I was meant to have another or if it will happen again or when it does I feel like I'll be a complete worry wart about it. Only time will tell though. For now, I just feel so much gratitude for having the little family I do. My husband and kids are the biggest blessing in my life. I don't plan on doing any type of memorial thingy but I will just hold on to and cherish the sweet memory of carrying another little blessing for a short time. My only memory of this sweet baby will be my hospital bracelet, a letter from my dear companion, and a picture of these very beautiful flowers that a friend sent to me from Florida.
I'm not sure how to rid the worry of next time, but I guess that's "normal" too, unfortunately. Beautiful flowers.
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